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Transformers Movie Review

06 · 26 · 09

by @katiedoyletransformers-movie

People people PEOPLE!

Have you seen this movie? You haven’t?
Well let me tell ya, you’re in for a treat.

You know the kind you get from the dentist after he drills into your teeth? The ones that are worth, like, a penny. The ones that you get bored with after two seconds and then want to smash under a car but they DON’T BREAK BECAUSE THEY ARE FAR TOO RESILIENT! That is what the experience of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was like. It’s all shiny and new but once you get into it…awful. Just awful. I’ve seen a lot of bad movies and bad television and bad everything, but I’ve always felt like I grew from the experience. The only thing growing from this experience is Michael Bay’s bank account and many a geeks fury. I want my three hours back.

That was a lot of vague negativity so let’s go on.

I liked Transformers when I was younger. I never had any of the toys, but I watch the show when it was on and enjoyed it. I’m not WAY into it by any means, but I’m into it enough to hate Michael Bay a teensy bit now. I hate the way he waves his creative license around like a pirate flag signaling to all he’s about to pillage and murder the lives of robot toys and the people who love them.

And I hate that Bumblebee is a Camero with no face.
Movie on, this is the Geek Girls Network, let’s talk about what this movie has for girls.

(crickets chirp)

Ummm? Hot guys?
Ughhhhhh.

Oh wait! Arcee is in the movie! But…she dies. Almost immediately… Not that you’ll be able to recognize her… For the typical man there are male robots, big explosions, and Megan Fox. I think some-gender got the raw end of the deal. I’m going to be fair though. Not everything was terrible. The locations and sets in the movie were stellar. From the Military bases, to Sam’s college campus, and the final battle in Egypt. That’s what a big budget buys you!

Know what else it buys? Special effects. And man! It may have been three hours of explosions and boring story but those explosions were awesome and huge and the only fun thing to watch.

Another good thing is Megan Fox. Specifically, a hilarious relationship she develops with a minor robot character which brought a smile to my face a few times.

And then, there is the boring story. And story in a movie is no small thing. When it’s boring and cluttered, it’s bad. What Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen seemed to suffer from threequel syndrome. Threequel syndrome is something that many a blockbuster has suffered from. Spider Man 3 and X-Men: The Last Stand being some prime geeky examples. In the case of threequels, the first movie is good. There’s hype and people see it opening weekend, love it, go see it again, and tell their friends.

When the first movie makes bank, the studio orders a second. With the second movie, necessary back-story and need-to know information has been established and doesn’t need to be featured so prominently. This is when the creativity flows and the restrictions are gone. The filmmakers tell the story they want to tell and it shows. The movie makes even more money than the first and so if the studio hasn’t already done so, they order a third. The threequel.

And threequels have been shown to be trouble. Knowing they only have one more film to tell their stories, the film makers jam pack twenty stories into the last movie in a panic not wanting to leave anything out. They are messy and epically long and not a very proud moment for anyone involved. They make more money than the first two combined.

And that’s what ROTF was. It was too much story, too much going on, too much attempt to be deep, too long, and too much pressure from everyone wanting it to be good. And all from a man who doesn’t seem to care about the fans. Well everyone! That was a bit of a rant and a bit of a review. If you decide to go see the movie, I hope you find some good bits.

For more geek girl rants of Transformers2, check out @zerbetron’s recent post: Why Transformers 2 Is The Most Expensive Piece Of Shit Ever Created

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8 comments

  1. I have only one complaint with this review/rant. It is an opinion. (Though why people expect things from Michael Bay and then are disappointed?) But! You claim there is nothing there for girls – then put “hot guys” as the first thing. Ebert said the same thing – that there was nothing for girls.

    I am a girl. And I can count on one hand the number of movies I go to see for the “hot men”. Yes, a certain amount of pretty is nice. Paying more than $10 to sit simply to see a hot boy though? That’s a dvd rental.

    Please. You’re supposed to be appealing to geek girls. We go to movies because we’re geeks. Not because we’re squealing fan girls. (Well, yes we are.) I’m probably not the only geek girl out there who goes to a movie that is not supposed to appeal to girls.

    I enjoyed Peter Cullen, and the return of Frank Welker. I did enjoy it, the bad outweighed the good – but I think I went in without expecting anything. It helps. 🙂


    • whoops. Sorry, I hit the comment a leetle too fast. Meant to redo the “nothing for girls bit” – you did list things. apologies! (I can’t edit the comment)


  2. So far, I’ve only see one person, out of about six people, who liked this movie. What a shame it is too. I’ll be waiting on the video with those odds. Thanks for the review.


  3. […] Geek Girls Network Post: Transformers Movie Review by Katie Doyle: Have you seen this movie? You haven’t? Well let me tell ya, you’re in for a […]


  4. I’m glad any time I see a negative review of Transformers. It deserves all the bad reviews it can get. I wrote a similarly negative review about the first one (http://www.nuttersmark.com/blog/movies-and-tv/michael-bay's-transformers-made-my-inner-child-cry) back when there weren’t as many people hating on Transformers. I’m glad to see this time around people are starting to come to their senses.


  5. Let me quote Bryn Greenwood in his comment at Unbound‘s blog on “Suspension of disbelief”:

    “Look, I’m willing to believe that a neo-Nazi skinhead could fall in love with a black woman, but I don’t believe that this skinhead is falling in love with this woman. Simple as that.”

    The makers of Transformers were not very convincing to the movie goers to suspend their disbelief for the story to be good!


  6. i agree! tf2 sux…good for Bay account, bad for fans!


  7. I have a clock like that =D…its awesome…transformers clock =D



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